The naked cowboy with a bit of toilet paper thrown in

In New York, I can't even do the simplest, most mundane task without running into something totally unexpected.

Our filing cabinet recently broke, so I looked up the nearest Staples and Office Depot stores so I could check out what was available. I went to Staples first, and even though it was two stories tall, it was so narrow that there wasn't any room for any filing cabinets. So I headed over toward Office Depot, which is right near the heart of Times Square about a dozen blocks from our apartment.

But before I got there, nature called from the Starbucks I downed on the way. So I went into another Starbucks and ducked in the single restroom they had for both men and women. But there was no toilet paper. A trip to the McDonald's next door was just as unlucky - the one restroom door was locked and I really had to pee.

This is what's irritating about New York - every store and many restaurants either doesn't have a public restroom or only has a single toilet for both sexes. And they're always dirty. The only time you see seperate restrooms is in fancier restaurants. But I digress.

I finally found an open restroom with about three sheets of toilet paper at a coffee shop in Times Square. After taking care of business, and probably contracting several diseases because it was so disgusting, I headed to Office Depot to browse.

On the way home, I met the naked cowboy(http://www.nakedcowboy.com/).

Clad in only boots, a cowboy hat, and tighty whities, he was posing with tourists for photos between playing the guitar and singing "I'm the naked cowboy... I'm the naked cowboy..." I have no idea if there were any other words to the song because he kept getting interrupted by women going up to him, giving him a buck or two, and grabbing his ass - to his delight. I do have to admit that the buff guy, though annoying, was rather nice on the eyes.

After doing a little research on the guy later on, I found out that Robert John Burck is a Cincinnati native who is a well-known figure in Times Square. He hangs out there relatively nude in all kinds of weather. Notice in the photos that everyone else is wearing thick coats! But he inspired me to think outside the box when it comes to a job - he's given an average of $1,000 a day. That means he only has to work, like 50 days a year to make the same salary as a normal person - tax free.

So after ogling his bicepts for a bit, I turned to continue the walk home, but couldn't walk past this big red-and-blue building with the words Charmin on it without going inside to see what it was all about. A few moments later, I really regretted peeing in that nasty coffee shop.

I walked inside and immediatley stepped on an escalator to go to the second floor and saw a long line of people. So I did what anyone would do when they were in an unfamiliar place and had no idea why they were there - I got in line to see what would happen.

In one corner, some guy was on stage with pompoms dancing to a catchy tune that included the lyrics "a wiggle to the left, a wiggle to the right." It's part of the Charmin song - as in Charmin toilet paper. After watching him half-heartedly do the Charmin butt-shaking dance, it didn't take me long to realize that I was in the most luxurious public restroom I've ever seen.

There were about two dozen public restrooms that the public could use. And each toilet was cleaned after EVERY USE. And everyone was able to choose which type of toilet paper they prefered - ultra strong or ultra soft - depending on their needs. And you could take a piece of the "Charmin Restrooms Experience" home with you by actually buying some memorabilia, like a T-shirt. Doesn't everyone want to remember the time they took a crap in Times Square?

I know what you're thinking. How can this get even more awesome, Erika? HOW? Simple - employees cheered for each person once they flushed and came out of the stalls. It was awesome.

After that experience, I know I won't ever be able to use a public restroom again, and don't know how I'll be able to go back to using the bathroom in my apartment. How can I knowing that there is a place where I get a pat on the back just for peeing?

Oh well. I guess I'll just settle on becoming New York's naked cowgirl.